Long Live the Queen
by Starstruck Archer
Summary: Merlin's loyalty has always been to king Arthur but his heart has always belonged to Morgana. After the events of Arthur's Bane part two Merlin seeks Morgana out and tells her the truth. But will he allow matters of the heart to rule? Rating for mild sexual situations, swearing, and violence.
1. Magic

**Merlin's loyalty has always been to king Arthur but his heart has always belonged to Morgana. After the events of Arthur's Bane part two Merlin seeks Morgana out and tells her the truth. But will he allow matters of the heart to rule? **

XxXxX

He didn't have the right, Merlin told himself. He didn't. Not after all the things he had done to her. He had tried to kill her, lied to her, hurt her in ways that even she probably couldn't fully understand. And she? She had done just as bad, if not worse, to him. She had controlled him to try to kill Arthur, she had torn him down, and whenever they met Merlin had only seen hatred in her eyes. And yet . . .

When he had seen her in the caves under the fortress of Ismere Merlin had felt it again. The feelings he had tried to stamp out and ignore for three years had pushed back up to the surface and burned with such intensity that it had made him choke. Morgana had been dark and corrupted and maybe she had done unspeakable evil since she had first fallen from grace. But Merlin still loved her as much as he did when she had been his friend.

His loyalty was to Arthur and the world he knew the King would create but his heart, it seemed, still belonged to Morgana. Even if she herself didn't know.

Since he had seen her Morgana had haunted his dreams, he had seen her whenever he closed his eyes and whenever he saw a dark haired girl walk by his heart had leapt to his throat before he forced the feelings back down. He didn't want to tell anyone; even before Morgana had become evil he had always known that his love was impossible. But that didn't stop the ache. It was so bad that Gaius and Arthur were becoming increasingly irritable about how frequently they caught him staring off into space and Gwaine and Gwen had both guessed that he must surely have a secret sweetheart. If only they knew Merlin thought bitterly as he forced himself to laugh at their teasing.

And his love wasn't even as innocent as it had been when Morgana had lived in the castle. He was an adult now and lust had become a factor that he had not anticipated. Merlin still flushed whenever he thought of his recent dream of her, as he now seemed to do whenever he was preforming his chores of a manservant.

She had been sitting on a bed covered in black velvet with her back to him in a stone room lit by torches. Aithusa, looking strong and healthy and nothing like the sick and broken creature he had seen in the cave, had been curled around her. The dragon and the woman had both looked up when Merlin entered and Morgana had given him a playful smile. "Come here," she had said, holding out a hand to him.

Because it was a dream, Merlin had been there immediately, kneeling on the bed behind her with his hands on her smooth, pale hips. She turned up her head, murmuring her accent and Merlin kissed her neck, wrapping one arm around her middle and holding her tightly. But even as he pulled her down, Aithusa had twisted and deformed into a mute dragon and she turned up her head, letting out a mournful wail. Morgana had wrapped her hands around his neck and smirked as she hissed, "You'll do what I want, Emry. And that's an order. Understand?"

"Yes, my lady," Merlin managed to say before Morgana gagged him. Gaius had woken him by shouting for him shortly after and Merlin had made himself think of Uthur until he was able to leave his room. He didn't know if he would even be able to look Morgana in the eyes again after that and he tried his best not to fantasize about her. Even if she wasn't evil she was Arthur's _sister_. There was defiantly a rule against loving your master's sister.

Even so, Merlin had come to the conclusion that he couldn't lie to her anymore. She was evil and would undoubtedly use it against him but Merlin knew that she more than anyone deserved to know the truth about him. And, deep down, Merlin thought he could still save Morgana. His logical mind disagreed but as of late his logical mind caused more problems than it solved and Merlin had decided it was about damn time he listened to his heart once more. And his heart craved honesty.

Which was why Merlin was being dragged by two large men through the castle Morgana had taken up residence. Merlin had come quite willingly since they had 'captured' him in the forest outside but he still now sported a black eye and a few cracked ribs and he had gone without food for so long that he felt woozy and the whole world swam hazily in and out of focus. But they were taking him to see the witch even if they seemed to think him a fool for begging to see her.

Merlin was dimly aware of the castle he was being dragged through. It was warm enough that none of the fireplaces had been lit but the castle looked to be in ruins. Even though he was being dragged through the main corridors the rugs and tapestries were so faded that he could not even have begun to guess what color they were meant to be. Doors were warped and some had clearly been broken in an effort to pull them open. The whole place reeked of mold and rats and Merlin had to fight back vomit more than once when the passed a particularly rank part of the castle. Although his nausea might have been more related to his recent blow to the head.

Eventually, they reached a set of heavy double doors, just as warped as all the others they had passed but clearly more frequently used. The two men that carried him shoved open the doors with a loud bang and Merlin didn't even get to see the look of surprise on Morgana's face before he was thrown roughly down at the foot of her black throne.

"We found him in the forest," Merlin heard one of the men saying. He was dazed and he blinked as he realized he was looking at Morgana's legs. He groaned as he pushed himself up to all fours, but found himself unable to look up any higher than Morgana's knees. He was actually _afraid_ of the hatred he would see in her eyes. Any punishment she could inflict he could handle, but he couldn't stand to see her loathing. "Said he wanted to see you." Merlin decided to stare at the floor to the right.

There was a long pause while Morgana seemed to be considering her options before Merlin heard her say, "Leave us." This was it, Merlin thought as he heard the men back out and close the door behind them before Morgana's wrath could be directed at them. Merlin waited on bated breath as he knelt with his eyes shut, waiting for Morgana to snarl at him, or kick him down onto the ground, or use her magic to cause him pain.

But nothing he feared she might do happened. Instead Merlin felt her hand under his chin and he obediently raised his head to look at her, even though he kept his eyes shut. Merlin knew how he looked. His jacket and shirt were gone, and his scarf had been used to bind a gash around his forearm. On one side of his head his hair had been matted with his own blood and the gash that had caused it was swollen and red with infection. He didn't even know how many days since he had last bathed but it had been long enough that he had been desensitized to his own reek.

"Hello Merlin," Morgana finally said and Merlin finally squinted one eye open at her uncertainly. When it didn't look like she was about to strike him Merlin opened both eyes. Morgana's expression was a mixture of hatred and, much to his relief, curiosity. She had never thought that he would seek her out willingly. She thought it was some sort of trap but she couldn't, for the life of her, understand what Merlin hoped to gain from it. "It's so rare for people to seek me out these days," Morgana said.

Merlin couldn't help himself and a smirk spread across his lips and Morgana's gaze hardened. The sudden removal of Morgana's hand from his chin stifled any sarcastic comment he could muster and Merlin found himself wincing as the sudden movement made him feel lightheaded. Morgana sat back in her throne, her green eyes flashing dangerously. For a second Merlin was too dazed to talk and it took a few false starts before he could speak. "I must admit," Merlin said, his voice coming out as a weak croak, "you look good on a throne."

"What do you want?" Morgana snapped. She hadn't heard anything but an insult in his words and Merlin felt his smile slip. He hadn't meant to offend her and he bit the inside of his cheek. A mix of emotions played across his face – sorrow, hunger, confusion, and desperation. Morgana noticed and although her expression was still a mask she was perplexed. Why had Arthur's servant sought her out? It must have been some plot on her half-brother's part but Merlin had to be a better actor than she had given him credit for if it was.

Merlin tried to swallow for a second before he realized his mouth was too dry. "Morgana . . ." he muttered weakly. "I . . . I have magic." Merlin saw the look of utter bafflement wipe away every other emotion on Morgana's face and he let out a faint laugh before he slumped back to the floor, finally succumbing to his injuries and falling unconscious.


	2. The Dragonlord

**Hey! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favorite, and subscribed to my story! Your support means a lot to me. **

XxXxX

When he awoke, Merlin was on a bed. He didn't know how long he had been out for but in that time he had been bathed and there were clean bandages over all his injuries. The bed he was in was more comfortable than the one he slept on at Camelot and he was nestled under a pile of heavy, musty smelling blankets. There was an inexplicable weight on his chest as well and, when Merlin blinked his eyes open, he realized that Aithusa was asleep with her head resting on top of him.

"Hey," Merlin said, his voice still a weak croak. The white dragon stirred against him and blinked her eyes open. "Where am I?" He didn't expect the mute dragon to answer but she snorted a plume of smoke and licked his cheek. Merlin smiled and struggled into a sitting position, wincing as his many injuries throbbed.

The room he was in was the same dark stone as the rest of Morgana's castle and Merlin correctly assumed that she had kept him nearby. Only this wasn't the dungeons as he had expected. This wasn't even servant's quarters. This looked more like the quarters of some long-dead lesser noble to the young warlock. From the open windows he could see that it was night although candles kept the room well lit. He was wearing pants, although they weren't _his_ pants and there was a folded red shirt on the table next to a platter of food and water that Merlin could see easily. Morgana must have had some of her servants tend to him, he decided.

Aithusa snorted another puff of smoke, unhappy that Merlin had sat up and woken her completely. The white dragon shook her head before she backed up and limped away, disappearing out the door. Merlin watched her go in silence before he pushed the covers off and got to his feet, leaning heavily against one of the bed posts for support.

Merlin managed to walk to the table and was putting on his shirt when Morgana arrived, Aithusa walking loyally at her heels. Merlin didn't notice her at first, as he struggled to get dressed when one arm was so sore he could barely even lift it a few inches. The clothes he had been given here were more comfortable than what he normally wore but he was in no mood to appreciate the gesture, bruised and battered as he was. When he did notice Morgana, Merlin lurched back instinctively, recoiling at the sight of her before he had to grab the table with both hands to keep himself from falling.

"Easy, Merlin," Morgana said. Merlin looked at her, surprised by the lack of anger in her tone. Even her expression was unreadable and Merlin had no idea what she thought of his reveal. "Please sit," Morgana said and Merlin muttered thanks before he sat down heavily in one of the chairs around the table. He was still so dazed that his face was like an open book, and he could tell that she could read every emotion.

Morgana sat down in a chair across from him and pushed the platter of food in front of him. He wasn't hungry but he did pour himself a glass of water and slowly start sipping it, trying to rehydrate himself. It took effort to not drain glass after glass but Merlin knew that would just make him sick. Morgana was still studying him and Merlin could almost see her as the girl he had first fallen in love with. Had he told her of his magic before she left would she have looked at him that way? And would it have affected him as much as it did now?

Aithusa clambered on top of Merlin's bed and curled up, watching both of the pale-eyes mages as they both waited for the other to speak. The silence stretched out between them and Merlin just focused on finishing his glass of water and then pouring himself another one. "How, um. How long was I asleep?" Merlin finally asked.

Morgana's face fell but it was so small that Merlin might have imagined it. "Nine days," she finally said and Merlin almost chocked. Nine?! His expression quickly morphed to one of dull horror. He still fully intended to go back to Camelot but he had no idea how he would explain such an absence. Even getting to Morgana's castle had taken him five days! But a slow smirk had spread across Morgana's lips and she sat back in her chair. "Arthur's been looking for you." She said.

"Gods," Merlin muttered. His glass sat forgotten in front of him and he ran a hand through his hair and not even noticing that he had referenced the gods of the old religion rather than the God supported by Camelot. But Morgana noticed and she cocked her head while she appraised him.

"He's been looking in all the wrong places, of course," Morgana said, dismissing her brother. It was near impossible to get to her castle without magic, hence her initial shock at the sight of the beaten and battered Merlin when two of her men had burst into her throne room. "Merlin," she said in a gentler tone and the wizard looked up at her, "You said you had magic." Morgana was eager to have another citizen of Camelot, especially one that had lived under both Uthur and Arthur's reign, suffer the same fate as herself. Or not suffer as much as understand. Merlin wondered if she would be so happy if she knew how long he had known of his magic.

The young warlock nodded slowly. To prove it, he muttered a spell under his breath and made an apple spring from the platter and land in his outstretched hand. Morgana's breath hitched when she saw his eyes turn gold and when he looked up she looked delighted. "Gaius gave me a book of spells," Merlin said as he rolled the apple in his hand. He looked down at the fruit, ruby skin the same shade of the precious stone, before he set it down on the table next to his goblet. "Morgana I'm – " Merlin stopped and licked his lips. He wasn't sure what he was trying to say, all he knew was that he wanted to try honesty. "Morgana I am so, so sorry."

Morgana looked taken aback. "Why?" She asked, confused.

"Because. I. Everything," Merlin said. His eyes were watering already and his voice, which was still a horse croak, had started wavering. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth, I'm sorry that I wasn't a good friend to you, I'm sorry that I betrayed your trust, I'm sorry I abandoned you. There were so many things I should have done and could have said and I could have made everything better but I didn't know how and I was scared and –" Merlin stopped short as Morgana abruptly reached across the table and took up his hand in a comforting gesture that he had never expected. He met her gaze, well aware that there were tears running down his cheeks and that his hands had a slight tremor but once Morgana caught his gaze she demanded it in full.

"Merlin," she said, "what happened to me was not your fault and I never needed anyone to save me." She sounded calm, unwavering and Merlin shook. He wanted her to be angry. He _deserved_ her wrath. He deserved far worse too.

"No, you don't understand," Merlin hissed and Morgana blinked at the look of utter despair in his eyes. "I don't just have magic Morgana, I was _born_ with it." When he had told Agravaine Merlin had been resigned. When he told ghost of Uthur he had been hissing with barely restrained fury. Now, telling Morgana that he had been born with his powers his voice shook with a plea. "You thought you were alone in Camelot but you weren't. I lied to you!" Merlin tore his eyes from Morgana's and covered his face with his arms, pulling his hand from her grasp.

But still, the anger he expected never came. There was no sudden pain or magical force shoving him back. He didn't know what she was doing but he didn't take his hands from his face as he tried to stop crying. "How could you have been born with magic?" Morgana finally asked, although Merlin couldn't guess her emotions from her tone alone. The warlock finally dropped his hands from his face after he wiped his eyes on his sleeve, although he still made a point to avoid looking at her eyes.

"I'm a Dragonlord," Merlin said flatly. He glanced at Aithusa as he said this. The dragon was curled up comfortably and her eyelids fluttered at the mention of the title while the witch sat back in her chair. Morgana had heard of the Dragonlords. The Old Religion said that they were more dragon than human themselves, but history said that they had gone extinct in Uthur's great purge. Morgana was stunned, although her expression only showed mild surprise. Dragnlords were one of the most powerful creatures known to the old religion. But at the very least she now could understand why she had never been able to sense his magic before.

Merlin licked his lips, watching Morgana's face carefully as he spoke. He didn't know if anything he would say might set her off but he knew she could overpower him in his current state. "My father escaped into Lot's kingdom. He was with my mother long enough for her to become pregnant with me before Uthur's men drove him out from there as well." He ran a hand through his hair as he spoke. The words were tumbling from his lips now, and he finally spoke the full truth that no one, aside from Gaius and perhaps even the Great Dragon Kilgharrah knew in full.

"Lot never made magic illegal in his kingdom but I tried my best to keep it a secret for as long as I can remember. My mother . . . she sent me to Gaius because I couldn't control myself and I was a danger to the people I cared about. I . . . I knew about my magic long before you knew of yours. And . . ." Merlin shook his head and took a shaky breath before he continued, "Morgana I only ever tried to do right by you and Arthur. Most of the time I was too confused and scared to know how to handle what was happening at the time but please just know this. My biggest regret is never telling you that you were not alone when you first discovered your powers."

Merlin's confession ended abruptly but he did feel better. Even before knowing how Morgana would react it felt as though a weight had been lifted from his chest. Even if he had surely had ruined his last hope and prayer of ever being anything more than a hated enemy in her eyes.

So it took him completely off guard when Morgana just sighed. He finally made himself look up at her face and he was again surprised to see no hatred. There was anger, yes, and frustration as well as confusion. But there was also something that Merlin had never expected to see.

_Understanding_.

For a moment, Merlin just stared at her uncertainly. He had thought all that was left of the love in Morgana's heart had dried up and withered away long since. "Aren't you . . . well, angry?" Merlin asked, baffled.

"I'm not _not_ angry," the black haired witch shrugged one shoulder and tilted her head fractionally. "But you're here now and that's more important." Mordred had turned his back on the would-be Queen not long ago but now Merlin had appeared. He was even closer to Arthur than Mordred ever would be; Morgana herself had even tried to manipulate the bond between the two men herself in the past. She had never anticipated Merlin coming to her of his own accord and now that he had she planned to use him in any way she could.

But Merlin had no plans to join Morgana. He believed in Albion still. The young warlock bit his lip and looked at the table, searching for words but not wanting to stamp out the light he saw in her eyes. She wanted to use him, but Merlin refused to play traitor to his king. It was his destiny to protect Arthur, not betray him to his bloodthirsty half-sister. Before he could protest his intentions to Morgana the witch had already risen back to her feet. "Rest Merlin," she soothed, "We can talk more in the morning."

In surprise Merlin glanced out the window. He had forgotten that it was still late at night but now that Morgana mentioned it he _did_ still feel tired. "Morgana?" He said as she pushed back her chair so she could walk out. When she turned her bright green gaze on him he swallowed before he bowed his head and said, "I thank you for your kindness. M-my Lady." Morgana smiled at that and she finally looked away from him.

"Goodnight Merlin," she said. By the time Merlin looked up again he only caught a fleeting glance of her hair and the hem of her black dress before she disappeared around the corner. Merlin sighed heavily and deflated into his chair. He stared at the door she had disappeared from before he remembered he had been crying and quickly wiped what remained of his tears from his cheeks.

That had been more exhausting than Merlin would have guessed. But at least now he felt lighter. But the feeling slowly dissolved into bitterness as he remembered that Morgana surly must have thought that he wanted to join her. The witch wasn't likely to take too kindly to the fact he wouldn't. But Merlin had to make her understand that Albion and a united kingdom would be worth it in the long term. Only Arthur could bring about that future. Morgana would just . . . need to see reason.

He topped off his glass of water then slowly finished it before he forced himself back onto his feet, wincing with pain. Years of being a servant had ingrained a few habits into him and Merlin tidied up the table before he blew out all the candles. Aithusa was still curled up on his bed but the white dragon Merlin had hatched shifted and squirmed aside as the Dragonlord wriggled under the covers. When he was settled the dragon lay, sprawled out next to him and she rested her head on his chest again. Merlin smiled and put a hand against the base of her neck. "Aithusa," he muttered. The Dragon opened one eye, gleaming bright blue even in the dark. "I'll find a way to heal you. I promise," Merlin said sleepily. But he meant it. Aithusa was close enough to be family to him and he owed it to her to fix her. If he had watched over her she never would have grown up into the twisted and mute creature currently curled against his chest.

Aithusa snorted and Merlin felt a wing wrap around his torso. He closed his eyes and smiled, leaning back his head into his pillow. Sleeping next to a dragon was more comfortable than he expected and when he drifted off to sleep his dreams were filled with Morgana.

XxXxX

By the time he woke up, the sun was shining through the window and Merlin groaned as he woke up. He felt better for having drunk water but even so he was sore. For a while after he woke up he just stared up at the high celling, thinking about what he had done. He had spent days thinking about coming here but now it felt as though he had spent no time at all planning this out. It was rash, coming here. But for some reason Merlin couldn't bring himself to feel angry at himself.

He was in Morgana's castle, not as a prisoner but as a guest. Aithusa looked up at him and snorted, blinking sleep out of her eyes. "Hello," Merlin said with a warm smile. The dragon licked his cheek before she raised her head off his chest. Merlin sat up as she moved and he ran his hand down her muscular neck. "Can you take me back to the throne room?" He asked. He didn't bother with ordering her in the dragon tongue, at his request the white dragon slid off him and limped to the door, giving Merlin time only to relieve himself and wash his hands and face before she led him to her mistress.

There were two large men dressed in heavy furs at the door. Merlin didn't recognize either of them but they nodded at him and let him pass in, recognizing the authority of Morgana's dragon. Inside, Morgana was already awake and sitting on her throne, and Aithusa walked quickly over to her and flopped down at her feet. Merlin followed more slowly and he sank to one knee in a bow before he reached her and he lowered his head. She was still a princess, even if she had been banished.

"Good morrow, Merlin," Morgana said and Merlin's heart rose at her smile. It was the first time he had seen her look truly happy in years. For so long the only look she had for him was hatred.

But Merlin didn't smile; he knew that what he would say next wouldn't go over well. "Morgana," he said softly enough that for a second she seemed uncertain as to if he had even spoken at all. "I . . . I cannot stay here. I came here to tell you the truth. I . . . My true place is by my lord's side." There was a long pause while that sunk in and Merlin kept his head down.

"Your loyalty is admirable," Morgana said at last, but her tone was harsher than it had been. In one sweeping movement the witch was on her feet and she strode forward to stand before him. Her words were well thought out but the harsh tone remained. "Arthur would have you killed for being who you are, Merlin. He would hunt you as his father did to your own. Merlin, I can create a world where our people can live in freedom!" Merlin bit the inside of his lip but remained silent, his eyes trained on Morgana's feet. There was a long pause where Merlin imagined that Morgana was collecting herself before he heard, "What do you owe him? What has he done to earn him so much adoration?"

"Arthur is the man destined to unite the kingdoms and make a world of peace," Merlin spoke freely, knowing this could well be his only chance to save himself from Morgana's dungeons. "And it's my destiny to guide him."

Merlin heard Morgana take a step back and turn around before she said, "rise." Obediently Merlin got off his knee and he winced at the numb feeling in his leg. Morgana was at her throne, standing before it and tapping at the curving armrest and for a moment Merlin found himself wondering where she had found a black tree to carve it out of. "You are a creature of the old religion," Morgana finally said as she abruptly turned and sat down. Her face was an unreadable mask and Merlin found himself falling into the same upright position with his hands behind his back he held whenever he was attending Arthur. "Magic . . . is a part of you. Yet you would forgo it for the chance that Arthur may someday realize he was wrong?"

"It is desti-"

"Destiny can be _changed_," Morgana countered before Merlin could finish his argument, emphasizing her point with a hand gesture. The two of them regarded each other with unreadable expressions but it was Morgana who broke the silence first. "I could unite the kingdoms if you stood by me. And I would never cast anyone out for being who they are. Merlin, you know this."

"I also know you have made many enemies," Merlin said, his tongue feeling like lead. "Many of the rulers of the other kingdoms would never be willing to ally themselves with Camelot if you took the throne."

"Their personal disagreements with me would not prevent them from making a decision that would harm their countries," Morgana said with confidence but Merlin shook his head.

"Morgana, I have lived as a peasant and servant to a king. I more than anyone have seen how much more petty nobility oft is." It was the closest Merlin had come to speaking treason in a long time and Morgana quirked an eyebrow at him. "I believe in the world Arthur will make. And there are others like me, who have foreseen that future."

The witch sat back in her throne and rubbed her chin. Merlin was treading on thin ice, they both knew. "You can change destiny. Free will is stronger than fate," Morgana finally said and Merlin's lips twitched up into a mocking smile. He didn't mean to, it was almost an automatic reaction.

"I have tried and failed to change my destiny too many times to believe that," Merlin said, failing to keep a soft laugh out of his words. At first, especially he had tried to rebel against the destiny he wanted no part of. He had been unable to prevent Morgana from falling, and Merlin knew it was only a matter of time before the young Mordred betrayed Arthur as well. But Merlin would remain loyal to his King, and fight for Albion. Merlin looked at Morgana, and his eyes traced her features. Her hair and clothes were messier than they had been when she had been Uthur's ward, and her face showed traces of the harder life she had lead since leaving Camelot.

"I . . . I have no intentions of telling anyone of this encounter. But I won't spy for you either Morgana. My loyalty lies with Arthur," Merlin said, in a voice that had more confidence than he did. Even as wrecked as Merlin was, a dragonlord was still more powerful than the high priestess and Morgana knew it. Merlin might have doubted his strength but Morgana was unwilling to test it.

He could see the anger on her face but when she spoke she managed to restrain it well behind a stiff tone as she said, "very well Merlin. I pray to the gods you come to your senses." Aithusa snorted a puff of smoke and raised her head as Merlin bowed once more.

"I thank you, My Lady," he said before he turned and left. Evidentially Morgana had given the command for no one to attack him for even as her guards stared at him none made a move to stop him. But it wasn't until he had left the twisted castle that Merlin found himself able to breath easy once more. It had gone better than expected, he thought. Although his heart felt like it had sunk to somewhere in his stomach he had made it out in one piece and unenhanced by Morgana's spells. Now he needed to figure out an excuse for why he had been gone for so long and why he was wearing new clothes that Arthur would buy. If he knew his King, Arthur would be leading a search party and Merlin needed to avoid letting him see what direction he had come from too.


	3. The Doubtful Knight

**Well after the emotional trauma of the last episode of Merlin I spent a day lying on my side and not moving and then Christmas happened so I've been a busy bee. I'll be going back to uni too, break ends pretty soon after new year's. **

**Anyway, thanks again to all my readers, your support is fantastic!**

XxXxX

By Merlin's calculation he had been missing for fourteen, maybe fifteen days before he left the castle. Then it had taken him another two days to get out of Morgana's magically warded territory which was frankly alarmingly close to Camelot. Still, he managed to come out and was in a better state than he had when he had arrived at Morgana's feet and for that, at least, he was grateful. Merlin still needed to lean heavily on a walking stick as he walked but his face was less puffy and most of bruises had faded to an unpleasant yellow-green color rather than being deep purple.

He had told Gaius that he was running out to find a few herbs and Merlin had taken the precaution of being sure they actually were out of a rather difficult herb to find. Still, that would only have worked as an excuse for a day or two, four at the most. Over a fortnight was far too long, especially since he was returning in new clothes and looking like he had been at the wrong end of a meat tenderizer.

Still, Merlin mused as he walked through the familiar woods, it was rather good that the Saxons had been invading the land recently (on Morgana's order). It was a ready-made excuse, and there was evidence enough of them having passed through the place he was coming from. But Saxons weren't first and foremost on the young warlock's mind. Right now Merlin was focused on tracking the party of knights that had come through this way not long before he had.

Whether they were a search party or a regular patrol remained to be seen but they were defiantly from Camelot, and they would know him. Even the knights he didn't know well had seen him attending the king for years.

It was starting to get dark, so the knights were setting up camp when he finally stumbled into their midst. Or, well, when he finally managed to come tumbling down a small cliff and nearly gave Sir Leon – who was on guard – a heart attack. Merlin landed in a messy heap next to the knight after the rocks he had been standing on gave out under his feet, and there was a sword at his throat before he could even start to get back up again.

"Hello Sir Leon," Merlin managed to say and immediately the blade was withdrawn from his neck.

"Merlin!" Merlin flinched as he felt Leon's hands grab his shoulders and pull him upright. His grip was tighter than it needed to be but when Merlin looked up Leon was grinning from ear to ear which lead Merlin to believe that his grip was painful by accident. "You're alive!" The blonde knight helped steady Merlin before he finally let him go and took a step back, retrieving and sheathing his sword.

"It's pretty hard to kill me," Merlin said with a grin despite himself.

Leon's face fell slightly as he noticed how battered the servant looked but he was good enough to say nothing. "Come on, come here," Leon said as he put an arm (much more delicately) around Merlin's shoulder and led him into camp. Merlin had to lean heavily against the knight, since he had lost his makeshift staff when he fell but he didn't complain. It was worth it to see the faces of the other knights light up when he came walking into camp.

Gwaine, Percival, Elyan, and Mordred were all present. "Merlin!" Gwaine shouted, leaping up. The dark haired knight came swiftly to Merlin's side and wrapped him in a tight embrace. Percival had been stirring a pot of some sort of food but he stood up as well, not even noticing as soup dribbled off the spoon while Elyan had dropped the load of wood he had been carrying in his surprise. Mordred had been tending to the horses but the youngest knight leaned back, looking relived and smiling slightly, although he dare not approach for fear of how well Merlin would receive him.

Gwaine and Leon helped forward and gently set him down near to the fire. Merlin was grateful for its warmth and he smiled at the lot of them. "What happened?" Elyan asked, not even bothering to pick up the kindling. He knelt next to Merlin, pushing Leon out of the way as he did so.

"Saxons," Merlin explained, "I ran into a band of them near to the border while I was looking for herbs, I only just managed to get away. I was trying to get back to Camelot when I found Leon." The knights all seemed to buy his story, although they reacted very differently. Merlin glanced up and caught Mordred's gaze. The druid seemed confused and his smile had slipped but he didn't say anything. But Merlin knew that Mordred didn't buy it for a second. "What are you doing out here? A patrol?" Merlin asked.

"A search party," Gwaine said. He had shifted into a relaxed position and he waived at Percival to get on with cooking. Mordred had started gathering up the wood Elyan had dropped, since none of the others were going to get on it but Merlin could see he was still listening closely. "Arthur wanted to come himself but Princess Mithian came to Camelot the same day we noticed you were gone so we got Mordred instead!" The young knight grinned and laughed at that but Merlin remained stony faced.

"Princess Mithtian?" Merlin repeated, surprised. "And you've been out here all this time?" Merlin asked, trying not to sound guilty. Apparently he failed because Gwaine wrapped an arm around his shoulders and messed up his hair.

"It's not as bad as it sounds," said Percival.

"Actually a bit relaxing," Gwaine chuckled.

Elyan, who was possibly the only knight that didn't try to tease Merlin, wasn't as willing to take the situation as lightly as his brothers in arms. "Are you alright?" He asked, looking over Merlin carefully. Even if his wounds had started to heal it was still clear that he had been badly beaten. Add that to how hard it had been for him to walk across the small clearing to the fire even with aid and it was well within to be the concerned knight's rights to be uncertain.

"Yeah," Merlin said, trying to brush it off. "Of course I'm alright." He grinned and nodded his head. Elyan seemed skeptical but it was all Gwaine needed to laugh and call to Percival to get the servant a bowl of soup for his troubles and loudly shout that if Leon wasn't standing watch who was going to keep them safe if more Saxons attacked? Not that Leon paid him very much heed. Bowls were passed around and the knights gathered around the fire, sitting in a circle and talking loudly. Merlin allowed himself to be swept away by their conversation and he found himself laughing and grinning at their stories.

Merlin noticed that he had somehow acquired bread and cheese to go with his soup and he had the largest pieces of meat in his broth but he didn't comment on the knights dotting. As far as they were concerned he had been pretty horrendously abused for weeks at the hands of Camelot's enemies and all of them, except perhaps Mordred, felt particularly protective of the young servant. Merlin pitied the next band of Saxons that crossed their paths, Gwaine had declared that he would do to the next one he caught many times worse what they had done to Merlin.

The night was rich, filled with laughter and the comfort of friends. But as evening crept up the knights started to drop off and Leon left to take first watch. Gwaine, for all his boasting, fell asleep first and Elyan nodded off not long after. Percival was awake for a bit longer, not really feeling the need to talk and he watched the fire die down. He was asleep by the time it had gone down to embers and leaving Mordred and Merlin alone.

The curly haired druid glanced at the other knights uncertainly before he sat up stiffly. "Emr-" Mordred glanced around again before he said, "Merlin." The older warlock didn't bother to sit up but he looked up and nodded at Mordred to go on. "I . . . I know you can take out Saxons. I've seen you do more powerful things," the druid confessed in a low voice.

"And?" Merlin asked flatly. Mordred smiled nervously but Merlin's expression remained unchanged.

"Well what happened?" Mordred asked, his voice raising. Next to Merlin, Gwaine twitched and grunted before rolling over. When the knight didn't actually wake up Merlin felt a stab of disappointment but Mordred looked relived. "You can tell me Merlin," Mordred said softly. "You can trust me."

This was the conversation he had hoped to avoid. But Gaius would likely ask the same questions and Mordred would be less likely to question Merlin's story. The warlock shivered, and pulled his blanket more tightly around his shoulders. "I didn't lie, Saxon's did this," Merlin gestured at the cuts and bruises on his face, "to me. I was tired and wasn't paying attention and after the first hit I was knocked out." It was true, Morgana's men were Saxon and Merlin hadn't noticed one sneak up and hit him on the back of the head until he was already down. "I had to go to the Valley of the Fallen Kings. There was a druid witch who came to me and wanted to bring me back to her lair."

"What did she want?" Mordred asked, looking honestly curious.

"To tell me of something she had foreseen. A prophesy about Arthur and Morgana," Merlin lied, "It was something I had already suspected but she told me of the goings on in lot's kingdom as well."

"Lot's kingdom?"

"I'm from there," Merlin explained. Mordred gave him a look of surprise. Evidentially the druid boy had assumed he had been born in Uthur's lands, much like Mordred himself. Merlin smiled then, at long last. It was faint but it was more than he had granted Mordred in the past and it caught the knight off guard. "I'm tired Mordred," Merlin said, "I can tell you more in the morning, if you like. But I want to sleep now."

"Yes, of course," Mordred said, finally sitting back. Merlin pretended to slowly drift off, after a reasonable amount of time and eventually he slowly slumped over, shifting closer to Gwaine. But Mordred stayed up, looking lost in thought. Merlin was unable to fall asleep until Leon came back and 'woke' the druid boy up for the next watch.

XxXxX

The knights saddled Merlin up behind Elyan since they didn't have an extra horse and of the group Elyan was the least likely to mess with him, aside from perhaps Leon. And Merlin didn't want to ride with Mordred. The lot of them were loud and cheerful as they rode, but they made a quick pace, eager to return Merlin to Camelot. And Merlin was pleased to be returning, as though he thought that entering the beautiful city and the castle he called home might wash away any last traces of his meeting with the Witch Queen.

His visit to Morgana could easily be seen as treacherous. Actually, it _was _treacherous. He had magic, and he had consorted with a sworn enemy of the crown, that was treason without question. But Merlin didn't think of himself as treasonous. His passions for Morgana would not rule his head and he prayed to the gods she would not reveal his secrets to Arthur. Merlin's king would have no choice but to behead Merlin and the young dragonlord would be forced to prevent his own demise.

But Merlin didn't want to think of such troublesome things, not as the castle came into view. A wide grin spread across Merlin's lips and Elyan pressed his horse faster. _Home_, Merlin thought. It might not be as comfortable as the room Morgana had made for him but it was where he was happiest. It was where his King and Queen ruled with a fair and just hand and where Gaius lived. It was where all his friends were and most of his enemies weren't.

It was afternoon by the time Merlin got back into the castle. He was ragged, the clothes Morgana had given him reeked and he looked like he had spent several nights in the wild. But he didn't stop to change clothes or wash up before he and the knights who had brought him home strode up and into the throne room where Arthur was in discussion with a few other knights.

When the doors opened Arthur looked up quickly and for a moment he looked shocked before he grinned. "Merlin!" He said, relief written across his face. Merlin felt another stab of guilt but he smiled back at his king, walking over to him and returning his quick embrace. Arthur's face fell slightly as he saw how battered Merlin looked but Merlin just shrugged it off.

"I'm surprised you even noticed I was gone," Merlin laughed.

"Of course, no one was around to polish my armor," Arthur retorted, stepping back. He nodded to Sir Leon before he gestured to the chairs around the round table. The two knights sat down as well as Merlin and his escort. It wasn't a full meeting but rather just to listen to Merlin's account. The young sorcerer told the tale of having gone out to get herbs for Gaius and getting ambushed but he had more than enough time to think of how to make it interesting. Merlin wove the tale well and even the knights that he didn't know very well seemed interested in the story, and so wrapped up in the telling was he that Merlin didn't even notice that Mordred had not come to the meeting hall with him.

XxXxX

At the same time as Merlin was telling his tale to Arthur, Mordred had gone to see Merlin's teacher, Gaius. The young Druid knew that he didn't have much of a chance to convince Gaius that something was wrong, from what he could tell the old physician thought of Merlin as his own son and the feeling was mutual. But Gaius was the only other man to have magic in Camelot and the only one Mordred thought might understand his distress.

Mordred wanted to believe Merlin. He wanted to be trusted by Emrys and to earn trust Mordred knew he needed to first trust him. But something didn't add up, something wasn't right. He just needed to talk to the old man, and be assured he was fretting over nothing.

So Mordred has slipped away from the rest of the party and was now inside Gaius's chambers, looking around uncomfortably as Gaius cut herbs, only paying partial attention to the Druid boy as Mordred tried to gather his thoughts. After it had been established that Merlin was back and fine and Mordred didn't need any medical attention he got back seat to the potion Gaius was preparing for one of the maids.

"Well come on then," Gaius finally said, losing his patience. He looked up at Mordred, pausing in his cutting. "If you need to say something then out with it, otherwise I have patients that need my attention."

"Yes. I-I mean, sorry I don't mean to bother you," Mordred said hesitantly. He shuffled his feet uncomfortably and he rubbed his hands together before Mordred finally bit his lip and sat himself down on the bench on the other side of the table from where Gaius was sitting. Mordred didn't know it but his posture mimicked Merlin's when the older lad was trying to explain something to his teacher and the resemblance caught Gaius slightly off guard. "I just . . . There's something that doesn't make sense about Merlin's story."

Gaius blinked, pulling himself out of the vague nostalgia. "Whatever do you mean?" he asked and Mordred gave a brief recount of what Merlin had told him.

"I've always been able to detect magic. Always," Mordred finally said. "The only one who I can't detect is Emrys himself." And that was because Merlin's magic wasn't . . . normal. It was more dragony than human. "But a druid? I've always been able to tell when a druid was around, even more so when they have magic. I don't understand how I wouldn't have been able to sense the woman who came to Merlin. And the knight who saw Merlin leave said that he was alone. If there was a witch why didn't he see her as well?"

Mordred finally stopped, looking a bit flustered but Gaius merely sighed. Mordred and Merlin . . . both of them were too young to be so suspicious and the fact that they were suspicious of each other only made it more tiring for Gaius. The old man sighed, and knitted his thick fingers together and gave Mordred a hard stare. The young knight looked uneasy again and he looked away, out the window to the courtyard.

"Mordred," Gaius finally said. The young druid blinked then slowly looked back at the physician with a hopeful gleam in his eyes. "Merlin had just escaped the Saxons when he told you what happened, perhaps he was just confused. This witch could have contacted him in his dreams or maybe she sent a messenger rather than come herself. I'm sure what Merlin told you was the truth." Although Gaius would have to ask Merlin why he had taken off without saying anything to him first. Gaius had believed the story about going off to fetch herbs as well, why had Merlin not told him about the druid? Merlin had made him sick with worry!

Mordred smiled and nodded, "yes, must be." He wanted to believe Merlin and the reassurance of Gaius had made him confident. "What else would he do? Merlin's too loyal to Arthur, I don't know what I was getting at," Mordred said as he stood. Gaius agreed and he picked up his knife again.

"Oh and Mordred," Gaius said as Mordred started to turn. But he turned back, blinking his blue eyes in confusion. "If you ever need to talk my doors are always open," Gaius invited. Mordred was young and would likely be in want of council, much like Merlin had the first time he had come into Gaius's life. The younger warlock didn't trust him but Gaius thought what was one more young boy to look after? Especially since Mordred also had magic.

Mordred looked stunned for a second before he closed his mouth hard enough that his teeth audibly clicked together. "Thank you Gaius," Mordred said, bowing his head slightly, "I would value your advice greatly." Then with a swish of his red cloak Mordred turned and left the wizard's chambers before Merlin had time to return. Mordred would rather that Emrys never knew of his meeting with Gaius and he quickly walked to the main hall where Merlin was still in the middle of telling his tale. Mordred entered quietly and no one even looked up as he settled to the side of the round table, with his back to a pillar so he could watch Merlin flawlessly play the role of bumbling servant and he tried to stifle the tiny doubt in his heart.

XxXxX


End file.
